This Song Has No Title
It's difficult trying to be Captain Fantastic every article so I decided to enlist Elton John's help in breaking down the division races as the season enters the dog days of August. Born Reginald Kenneth Dwight and knighted in 1998, Sir Elton has sold over 250 million records and recorded over 50 Top 40 hits, making him one of the most successful musicians of all time.
Without further ado or Bernie Taupin, I present the current standings and the former owner of the Watford Football Club's views on each of the 30 MLB teams.
EAST W L PCT What Elton John Has to Say New York 62 41 .602 Bernie and the Jetes Boston 63 42 .600 (David Ortiz) Saved My Life Tonight Toronto 57 49 .538 Grow Some Funk of Your Own Baltimore 49 59 .454 Better Off Dead Tampa Bay 44 63 .411 Whipping Boy
CENTRAL W L PCT What Elton John Has to Say Detroit 71 35 .670 Don't Go Breaking My Heart Chicago 63 42 .600 You Can Make History Minnesota 61 44 .581 Midnight Creeper Cleveland 46 59 .438 (Gotta Get) A Meal Ticket Kansas City 37 69 .349 Nobody Wins
WEST W L PCT What Elton John Has to Say Oakland 56 51 .523 Tell Me When the Whistle Blows Los Angeles 55 51 .519 Roy Rogers (or Was it Gene Autry?) Texas 53 54 .495 Texas Love Song Seattle 52 54 .491 Take Me To The Pilot(s)
EAST W L PCT What Elton John Has to Say New York 63 42 .600 Believe Philadelphia 50 55 .476 Philadelphia Freedom Florida 50 56 .472 Whenever You're Ready Atlanta 49 56 .467 Where Have All the Good Times Gone? Washington 48 59 .449 Funeral for a Friend
CENTRAL W L PCT What Elton John Has to Say St. Louis 58 47 .552 High Flying Bird(s) Cincinnati 55 51 .519 The Bitch is Back Milwaukee 51 56 .477 You're So Static Houston 50 56 .467 Rocket Man (I Think It's Going To Be A Long, Long Time) Chicago 44 62 .415 Curtains Pittsburgh 40 67 .374 Nobody Wins
WEST W L PCT What Elton John Has to Say San Diego 55 51 .524 Border Song Arizona 54 52 .509 Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me Los Angeles 51 55 .481 Candle in the Wind Colorado 51 55 .481 Sacrifice San Francisco 51 56 .477 Have Mercy on the Criminal
I saw Elton John in concert at the Hollywood Bowl in 1973. He had just released Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, which includes my favorite John song of all time: Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting.
The Oakland A's beat the New York Mets in the World Series that year. Could history repeat itself? We shall see. In the meantime, be sure to check out the The Captain and the Kid, which is scheduled to hit the record stores on September 12, 2006. No, it's not about Jason Varitek and Jon Papelbon. Instead, it's a sequel to Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy. I know, One Day at a Time.